Round Two ~ Future Ferret Challenges Options

[evlpez]

In order to maintain high-quality posts and stories, Project Ferret does have some entrance standards. Everyone who joins needs to be able to write English well, including correct mechanics, syntax, and word usage.

While Potterverse members are visiting our Project Ferret, they will write a submission for any one of the following "Future Ferret" Challenges. All submissions must have a unique title and be posted in this topic.



Mission Choice #1: The Snoopy Ginny Challenge

You are Ginny Weasley, at home at The Burrow. You sneak into your twin brothers' room (in spite of them having put blocking spells on the door; you're a pretty clever little witch after all). Describe what you see and what happens because of this. Aim for about 500 words, please.



Mission Choice #2: Animagi Challenge

Describe a day (or part of it) in the life of any one of the characters we know to be animagi, as they would experience it in their animal form. Your submission should be at least 500 words.



Mission Choice #3: Colin's Photo Challenge

Colin Creevey is hot in pursuit of a great picture for the school paper. Describe him trying to get the picture, the picture he eventually takes, and its significance. Remember the reporter's golden rule: Who, What, When, Where, Why, & How. Aim for about 500 words, please.



Mission Choice #4: The Quibbler Challenge

The Quibbler has a blaring headline that has all of Hogwarts murmuring as soon as the owl post arrives during breakfast. What is the headline? Write at least two paragraphs of the reported story, and then have two or more characters of your choice discuss it. Your submission should be at least 500 words.



Note to ferrets: Remember that you are writing fan fiction as though you are the Floo-Between user you've chosen. This means that if you've chosen Snape, you are writing as though Snape is writing fan fiction, not as though he is a part of the story. Each character may write as many submissions as they wish for this challenge, as long as each submission is significantly different from their others. You must choose one of the above missions for each submission. The deadline for submissions is Wednesday December 1st.

The Voting Booth for Round 2 will open on Sunday, November 7th. Click this text to go there.

Posts which are not prefaced by the Character Form will be deleted.

When you post, you'll see a button (up by the "code" and "list" buttons) that says "blank character form." If you press that button, the form will appear in your post. Just edit in your character's details and put the body of your text in the middle. If you've chosen not to use a signature for your character, delete that part of the form.

Do not edit your submissions for this challenge once they are posted in the Forum.

_________________________

When rating submissions, please use the following score card to guide you:

Score Card

__ Ferret Points for following the mission
__ Ferret Points for technical (grammar, spelling are consistent with the author's character)
__ Ferret Points for overall creativity
__ Ferret Points for characterization
__ Ferret Points for adherence to canon
_________________
Total out of 10 maximum Ferret Points

0 = Poor, 1 = Okay/good, 2 = Great

_________________________

[chad13]

num1chudleyfan

wizard in training
Floo Ferret

BREAKING NEWS
Clabbert Saves Village From Dementor Attack

Last Sunday afternoon in a small town just outside of London a miracle for the modern age occurred, writes Carl Snazzle, avid Quibbler reader. In the fields of heather surrounding a small cottage most of the town’s occupants sat waiting. Nothing of this magnitude had ever taken place anywhere remotely near the village, but none of the villagers had any idea how momentous the occurrence had actually been. Now it was time for them to thank their hero.

"It's like a dream," Miranda Gershwin told the reporter. "I mean, Clabberts don't exactly take fondly to all villages!" It seems the Clabbert in reference is a female by the name of, Sissy, who has been a resident and village pet for some time.
"Seems like yesterday she just came running across the fields, and now we know she was sent here for a purpose!" Miranda is speaking of the odd and terrifying occurrence of the Thursday previous ..

"Oh rubbish"
"What?" Harry asked slightly surprised at Hermione's lack of interest in the odd, yet exciting story of heroism. "Can't I at least finish the article?"
"Do you even know what a Clabbert is Harry? " Hermione asked with her usual air of, I know you don't know but I do and I'm about to tell you!
"No, not actually .."
"A Clabbert, Harry, is an arboreal creature, that means it lives in trees! So there's your first problem! I mean the whole story takes place in a bunch of village fields! Fields, not trees!"
"Maybe there were trees around the fields."
"Oh don't be so naive Harry! It's the Quibbler for goodness sake!" Hermione’s face was growing quite red, she’s really not much of a fan of false information, especially false information that people begin to take as true information. It is a Quibbler article mind you, just like she said, but she was still taking it all quite seriously.
“Well it’s still not totally impossible.”
“Harry, Clabbert’s are very good at detecting danger, I’ll give you that, they have small red spots on their foreheads that flash when they sense dangerouse things approaching, but still having a Clabbert in a village of fields!”
“Well ..”
“Dementors Harry!" Hermione said, her voice growing higher as she rounded off Harry's name. "Dementors! What is the only way to get rid of Dementors?”
“A patronus ..”
“Exactly! Now how would a Clabbert (Hermione put quite a bit of sarcastic emphasis on the word) conjure a patronus?” Harry had no come back for this as so often happens in a conversation with Hermione, she’s just impossible that way. But what can you do? No one else is going to go up to the library the way she does to look up anything, none the less try and find a way to prove her wrong. “You see? just another article of gossip and propaganda, which is not exactly what we need right now!” Hermione was going into one of her fits, it was obvious. She’d get all red and out of breath, and then storm up to the library for awhile before returning to tell everyone how stupid they were and then explain why! She could get away with it though, that’s just how Hermione is.


R.A.T.S Ron against tap dancing spiders

[agrippa]

JustBeMimble

Fizzing Wizbee
Floo Ferret


A mission of mercy

Ginny Weasley tiptoed up the stairs, carefully skipping the ones that creaked. Although Fred and George were busy at the shop in Diagon Alley, she didn’t want Ron to know what she was up to.

“Alohamora,” she whispered, turning the handle of the door.

It didn’t budge. I wonder what they did to it? she thought to herself. She gave it a few taps with her wand, and the lock gave of purple sparks. Naturally. A binding charm.

“Eripio,” she said, a little more loudly than she intended. The door swung open. She stood for a while, listening for footsteps. But all she heard was the ghoul rattling about in the attic.

She stepped into the room, and the sunlight from the opposite window shone off of her beautiful ginger hair as she stood silhouetted in the doorway. Quitely, she closed the door behind her.

The room looked as if a Hagrid had mated a toyshop with a chemistry set and then the poor animal had exploded. But she had expected that. Her chocolate-brown eyes – so dark that it looked as if you could dive in and swim in the deep eddies and pools of chocolate lusciousness – scanned the room.

What did they do with it? She looked under the Fred’s bed. There was a knot of extendable ears, something that looked a bit like floo powder, some really smelly socks, and a stuffed teddy bear wearing a blue jumper embroidered with a yellow “F”. Not here.

George’s bed was next. Whatever was under there, however, was gone. It was clean. Too clean, thought her lovely brain. They knew I’d come looking for it.

She went to the closet next. It was lined with shoeboxes full of old parchment scraps. She’d been through those before. Nothing new in here.

Then she saw it. A small, red box tied with string, sitting on George’s bedside table. Carefully, she untied the string and opened the box. It was empty. Undaunted, she put the lid back on, turned the box upside down, and opened it again.

A scream issued from the box. I’ve found it, she thought. Quickly she reached into the box and pulled out its contents. As soon as she shut the lid, the screaming stopped.

With the screaming gone, she could now hear footsteps from below. She tied the string back around the box with a practiced hand and raced to the door, leaving her prize on the bedside table.

She opened the door and stepped outside just as Ron came up the stairs.

“What was that?” asked Ron.

“What was what?” she asked.

“I thought I heard screaming.”

Ginny widened her eyes in confusion. “I didn’t hear anything.”

“Really? Huh. Must’ve been my imagination.” Ron looked at the open door behind her. “Why is Fred and George’s door open?”

“I don’t know,” she replied. “I was just going to shut it for them.”

Ron looked inside. “Crikey. That place is a mess.”

“Sure is,” said Ginny.

They stared at one another awkwardly.

“Well,” said Ron, “I’m going out back. Want to come practice some quidditch with me?”

“Sure. Let me get my things.”

“Right then.” Ron went down stairs.

Ginny turned to shut the door. “Accio photograph,” she said. The object she had rescued from the box flew toward her. She shut the door restored the binding charm, and walked across the landing to her bedroom.

Think they can steal my stuff, do they? she laughed to herself. Gently, she put the picture of her and Neville dancing at the Yule Ball on her dresser. She sighed, remembering the wonderful time they had that evening, grabbed her quaffle, and headed downstairs.




Plants are people too.

[Riley]

Catch_The_Snitch

Seeker
Floo Ferret


Creevey's Chase

Colin was on the lookout for another photo for another story for the school paper. The article had been written, all he needed was this photo. He was desperate to get it, this could make or break the paper.

He travelled the corridors of Hogwarts looking for the person who would take the mainframe of the photo. He had heard how Harry Potter was helping the house-elves of Hogwarts along with his best friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. He wanted a photo of all three, but couldn't find the trio anywhere.

Colin thought that they may be on another one of their adventures. He saw Ginny Weasley and wondered if she would know where Harry was as she usually did, "Ginny," Colin said. She turned to him, "Do you know where Harry is?"

"Erm, no Colin I don't..." She said quickly as a red blush appeared on her cheeks and she walked away.

Colin continued on his search before finding Neville who looked flustered, "Hey Neville, do you know where Harry is by any chance?"

"Colin, no, no, I haven't seen him since breakfast, must dash, got work to do..." And with that he was away.

So Colin went on, looking down every corridor, going into every classroom. He eventually met Lavender and Parvati on his journey, "Hiya girls, you two wouldn't know where Hermione, Ron or Harry is?"

The girls giggled as usual before replying, "Awww, does little Colin want a picture of Hermione for his album?"

"Erm..." Colin started before the girls giggling got too much and he backed away.

He wasn't looking where he was going and bumped into Draco Malfoy, "Watch where you're going Creevey!" He sneered at the poor boy, his mouth turned in his usual smirk, his hair perfect and his cronies, Crabbe and Goyle at his side, "What you doing, wondering these corridors!" He spotted the camera, "Ah, more pictures of famous Potter?"

"N-no..." Colin stuttered, trying to get away.

"Don't act the fool with me Creevey, I think we should take this camera away, unless you want us three in you next headline, 'Three Superb Slytherins take troublesome camera from Irritating Creevey!"

The boys laughed stupidly before rounding on him. He was terrified, until he saw the three people he was looking for.

"Harry!" He called to the black haired boy as he was walking down the corridor, Hermione with a few large books in her hands, Ron looking mad as he saw Malfoy.

"Hiya Colin," Harry said glumly, before he saw what was taking place, "Colin, are these three bothering you?" He stopped walking as did his two friends, keeping close in case things got out of hand.

"Well, they were going to take my camera off me!" Colin squeaked as he ran to his heroes.

"Potter, Weasley and Granger, I should've known you three would turn up, playing the hero as usual..." Malfoy spat at the trio.

"Don't blame Harry for your attitude Malfoy!" Hermione said hotly as she defended her friend.

"Yeah, Malfoy, as small as Creevey is we still have more numbers here than you!" Ron added as he stepped closer to Malfoy in a threatening way.

"Oh come off it Weasley, you really think you lot could take on me, Crabbe and Goyle? Did you sell what little brains you had to get a bit of money, I didn't even think you were that poor..."

That was it. Ron was for Malfoy. Crabbe and Goyle jumped forward to protect him. Hermione screamed, "NO RON!" as Harry tried to keep him back.

All the while Colin was there with his camera, flashing away. Malfoy quickly noticed and was about to grab his camera before Ron pushed Crabbe into Goyle, causing the two of them to topple into Malfoy.

Harry gave Ron a high-five as Hermione laughed at the sight of the three of them on the floor. Colin said quickly, "You three, surround them! This is going to make the first page!" Before the trio knew what was happening they were in position as Colin snapped a great photo.

"Thanks guys! I'd better get this to the editor!" He rushed away, leaving the trio smiling as the three Slytherins still struggled on the ground.

Even though the picture Colin got wasn't what he intended, it was much better. He could see the headline now, 'Roar is better than bite! - Three Gryffindors save one of their fellows, Colin Creevey, from three Slytherins in a tremendous battle of the houses!'

He scurred to the editor, the article fixed in his mind.


I don't go looking for trouble, trouble usually finds me.

[timeturner]

Arithmancy_Girl

Pince's Pal
Floo Ferret


FACT OR FICTION

Harry Potter walked towards the entrance of the Great Hall, eagerly anticipating a hearty breakfast. He had been forced to miss dinner the evening before, due to the need to finish his Transfiguration essay. If only I would have listened to Hermione and not waited until the last minute, Harry thought to himself, hunger cramps twisting his stomach.

As he got closer to the Great Hall, he could hear the students murmuring loudly. Harry quickened his step, wondering what may have caused such excitement so early in the morning. He sat in his regular seat next to Ronald Weasley at the Gryffindor table. Everywhere Harry looked, he saw students either reading editions of The Quibbler or chatting animatedly. Ron was staring so intently at the front page of the newspaper, he had not even noticed that Harry had arrived.

“Ron, what’s all of the fuss about this morning?” Harry asked. “What’s that you’re reading?”

“Oy, Harry! I didn’t see you there,” Ron said looking up from the newspaper. “It’s The Quibbler. Take a look, Fred and George made the front page.”

Ron handed him the newspaper, which was still the most popular publication since Dolores Umbridge had banned it last year. Harry’s mouth fell open in shock as he read the headline:

WEASLEY TWINS INVENT CANDY THAT INCREASES MAGICAL POWERS

Twin Brothers Fred and George Weasley, co-owners of Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes, have been inventing magically, sweet treats, among other things, for years. Recently the young Weasley brothers created a new confection which they call “Spell-Booster Bars”. The small, bar-shaped treats are said to “boost” magical powers, enabling the witch or wizard who eats them to cast more powerful, longer-lasting spells.

“These bars are fantastic. May have saved my life the other night in The Hogshead,” said Mundungus Fletcher, frequent patron of Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes. “Some bloke tried to hex me, but thanks to the Spell-Booster Bar, which I had just eaten, he was no match for me.”

According to co-inventor, George Weasley, the exciting new bars are only available at Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes, located at number Ninety Three Diagon Alley. When asked if he thought the bars would be of any use to Muggles or Squibs, George had this to say, “It’s…uh…unlikely”

Story continued on page 2...

Harry was about to turn the page and continue reading when Neville Longbottom arrived holding his own edition of The Quibbler.

“Ron, Harry, did you see this?” Neville asked with excitement. “I’m going to place an order right away. A boost of power! Why, it’s just what I need.”

Neville ran off, clutching his copy of The Quibbler.

“Neville, wait!” Ron yelled, trying to call Neville back.

“Too late,” Harry said. “He’s gone. I haven’t seen Neville so excited in a long time.”

“Well, he’s going to be back to his old self soon enough,” Ron said regretfully.

“What do you mean?” Harry asked.

“The only thing those bars boost is confidence, not magical powers,” Ron answered. “Fred and George told me they were trying to invent study aids for lazy students, when they accidentally created confidence boosters. Guess they figured the bars would be easier to market if they told people they boosted powers instead.”

“I don't understand. Why would Mundungus say all that stuff about how the bars saved his life?” Harry asked.

“You know Mundungus,” Ron answered. “Fred and George probably had something on him or maybe they’re giving him a piece of the profit.”

“We better go find Neville, before he wastes his money,” Harry replied.

“I don’t know, Harry,” Ron said. “If anyone needs a boost of confidence, it’s Neville.”

“You may be right,” Harry said. “ But, the least we can do, is tell him what we know and let him decide whether or not he still wants them.”

Harry and Ron left the Great Hall in search of their friend. They had almost reached the Owlery when Harry realized he had still not eaten breakfast. As his stomach made a grumbling noise, he vowed to take Hermione’s warnings regarding the dangers of procrastinating much more seriously in the future.

THE END


I picked it up for some light reading

[evlpez]

IncrediblyHandsome

Patient
Floo Ferret





Hogwarts Heartens!

The Great Hall was abuzz with excitement as the daily mail fell from the clutches of hundreds of owls that flew gloriously overhead. The depressed staff and students of Hoggleworts School of Magic were about to hear of the most exciting news since the release of Gilderoy Lockhart's famous work, 'Magical Me". Never more would they be oppressed by the sadness and emptiness brought on by the loss of their favorite professor and idol. The news they were about to read would lift them all out of their foggy, meaningless existence and raise them up in a chorus of cheers, complete with tears of joy and embraces of brotherhood. Never before had the Great Hall experienced the type of event that would end all house rivalries, destroying all evil to unite the hearts of all the little children to stand together and bask in the joy of living in the Magical World without fear, hatred and ugliness. It was about to experience that event this morning, as the breeze caused by hundreds of flapping wings wafted over the faces of every student and professor in the room. Even the paintings were crowded with visitors from elsewhere in the castle, having had some secret sense that something very important and wonderful was about to happen.

The Quibbler magazines rained down on the table tops, landing in porridge bowls and over-turning goblets of pumpkin juice. The gasps and cries from those who first saw the front page silenced the usually depressing morning drone of sad, sleepy children eating a boring breakfast. Hands from everywhere snapped out to grab the closest magazine first, their owners desperate to know more about the bright purple headline and stunningly handsome man pictured on the cover.

Gilderoy Lockhart Cured! The Wizarding World is Saved!
New Lockhart book due out in November candidly describes his life of the past two years!

"Could it be," murmured several students in hushed awe. "Could it possibly be true?"

The professors at the head table were elated, jumping up from their seats and gabbing each other to share the good news. Headmaster Dumbledore sat quietly, somehow stronger than the others and able to contain his joy long enough to open the magazine and read some of the article about his favorite former colleague.

St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries reports that Gilderoy Lockhart, International celebrity and author of such best-selling titles as "Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Household Pests" and "Magical Me" has recovered fully from injuries sustained battling You-Know-Who during his short but glorious teaching career at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Healers at St. Mungo's say that he is as handsome and charming as ever, and is excited to be releasing a new book about his ordeal, called "Hanging Around with Healers" due out next November.

Mister Lockhart granted The Quibbler an interview last Tuesday. He could only spare us a few moments of his time as he had a singing engagement with fans in the ward's common room.

Asked about his stay at St. Mungo's, Gilderoy said, "I've had a most enjoyable stay here at the spa, as I like to call it. The staff here are absolutely marvelous, and there's a wonderful girl who brings me my mail every day and helps me respond to it. Greta and I spend hours and hours together, reading and writing. My handwriting is very good, would you like to see it? It's all joined up nicely and it's gotten so very neat. That's Gertrude for you, such a friend as she is; she's made me practice a lot and has been absolutely critical to my recovery."

The Quibbler was particularly interested in Lockhart's new book, "Hanging Around with Healers". When asked if it would give readers an exciting true account of the incident at Hogwarts and his resulting injury, he replied, "Of course, it'll be a fabulous read, I imagine. It will be an instant success, as all of my books have been."


Albus sat back in his chair and watched as students read aloud to each other and cheered. He finally felt relief and joy for them and for himself.


Professor McGonagall grabbed his sleeve and said, "Did you hear, Albus? Gilderoy! He's well! Isn't that wonderful news?"


"Wonderful news indeed, Minerva," Albus agreed. "I shall visit him as soon as time permits and see if he'll accept my invitation to rejoin our staff."


"Excellent idea, Albus! But, what will he teach? We've got a full staff!"


"No matter, Minerva," Albus whispered, his eyes twinkling cheerfully, "He can teach anything he wants. You may have to clear out your desk by the week's end."


Minerva beamed proudly, "Whatever you wish, Headmaster. I would be honored."


Author's Note: I'd like to thank my assistant, Gloria. She helped me put this little thing together, assuring me that I'm a fabulous writer as well as remarkably handsome. If not for Gertrude, this masterpiece would not have been possible. - G.L.

[timeturner]

WestHamFan

Sixth Year
Floo Ferret



The Unexpected Photo

Professor Severus Snape eyed the potion recipe written on the chalkboard in his classroom. If his calculations were correct, he may have finally succeeded in creating a serum to control the greasy hair which had plagued him since his youth. He didn’t think he had been this excited since the last time he had belittled a Gryffindor, which was his favourite thing to do, even if it had no effect on greasy hair. Unfortunately, his happiness was not only interrupted, but ruined by Colin Creevey, who suddenly appeared in the doorway of the classroom.

“Excuse me, sir?” Colin squeaked nervously. “Sir, Professor Dumbledore suggested I come and take your picture for the school paper. May I? Take your picture I mean.”

“Why would my photo be in the paper?” Snape snapped suspiciously.

“Uh…b-be-because,” Colin stuttered, his eyes wide with fear.

“Allow me to explain, Severus,” Albus Dumbledore interrupted Colin graciously, appearing in the corridor behind the young Gryffindor. “I was thinking a small article in the school news, accompanied by a photo of course, would be an appropriate way to notify the students of your newest achievement.”

“My newest achievement,” Snape said slowly, thinking of his hair serum recipe. The thought of his embarrassing hair problem and self-created solution being the subject of a school newspaper article was quite disconcerting. “I must say, I do not think the students would be very…interested.”

“Nonsense, Severus. Most of the students at Hogwarts collect Chocolate Frog Cards, and if I am not mistaken some of the adults do as well,” Professor Dumbledore chuckled, his eyes twinkling. “I am sure they would be very interested to know that you have been given the honour of your own Chocolate Frog Card. I received the privilege many years ago and I must say, it is still one of my proudest achievements. So, come now, why don’t you stand at the head of the classroom and Colin here will take your picture.”

Before Snape had an opportunity to protest further, Colin had aimed the camera and temporarily blinded the Potions Master with the built-in flash.

“Wow! Thanks, Professors!” Colin exclaimed as he left the classroom, camera in hand.

As soon as Colin was out of sight, the Headmaster’s light-hearted expression was replaced with one of concern.

“I was also hoping we may discuss another matter this evening. Perhaps, in my office,” Professor Dumbledore said quietly.

“Of course,” Snape replied.

On their way to Dumbledore’s office, they met Argus Filch in the corridor. The crusty, rusty caretaker was mopping the floor and called to Snape as he walked past.

“You finished in there, Professor?” Filch asked. “Your classroom is the only one left needin’ a cleaning.”

“Do what you must,” Snape said.

Filch ambled into the Potions classroom, taking the mop and his cranky expression with him. Immediately he noticed the writing on the chalkboard.

“Can’t even clean up after himself,” Filch mumbled, searching for an eraser.

********************************************************************

Later that evening, Snape rushed back to his classroom, eager to get started on his degreasing potion. To his dismay, the chalkboard had been wiped clean.

“Filch,” Snape hissed grinding his teeth in anger. The potion was too complicated to brew from memory, he would be forced to start from scratch. Snape went to bed very angry and woke up in an even worse mood. At breakfast, when he took his seat at the staff table in the Great Hall, he found himself looking at his photo on the front page of the school newspaper. To his surprise and delight, the potion recipe could clearly be seen in the background of the picture.

He wouldn’t have to start over after all, he thought to himself. Feeling considerably cheered, he headed back to the dungeons, singing under his breath.

“Gonna wash that grease right outta my hair, gonna wash that grease right out of my hair…”


West Ham Rocks!

[evlpez]

Proud_Pureblood

Seeker
Floo Ferret



Harry Potter Blows his Nose

The Great Hall was quiet while students and professors ate their breakfast. Potter, Weasley and the mudblood were sitting at the Gryffindor table, bragging about their adventures. The hoards of Gryffindor idiots stared open-mouthed in mindless adoration while Potter told yet again how he bravely cowered behind a statue while Professor Dumbledore fought his battle for him, allowing him to escape the Dark Lord.

"Oh look," said Granger, master of the obvious. "The mail's arrived. I've been waiting for the new issue of the Quibbler; I solved its last Arithmancy puzzle before any Ravenclaw and all the teachers in the school because I'm so brilliant. I wonder how I can use the next issue to show off."

Weasley smiled proudly at his mudblood girlfriend, then remembered he was poor and didn't deserve a girlfriend and said sadly, "I can't afford to buy my own copy. Can I read yours after you've pointed out how unworthy the rest of us are? I want to see if anyone got a picture of me riding Harry's coat tails as he saved the Wizarding World again."

The owls dropped the mail on the tables and people began murmuring about the Quibbler's headline.

"You've got to be kidding me. Only the Quibbler would make this news," said Draco Malfoy, turning his nose up in disgust.

Professor Snape passed by, pausing to look at the headline and give Draco fifty points for his good taste, then continued on his way to the dungeons to prepare for his first excellent Potions lesson of the day.

Over at the Gryffindor table, Granger was reading out loud for the benefit of the Weasleys, who hadn't been able to afford to learn how to read.

"Harry Potter Blows his Nose," she began. Red robes flew in all directions as her housemates crowded around to hear the news. This was obviously just the sort of celebrity worship that Gryffindors were up for, not being smart enough to know that there's nothing special about Potter except how he got that stupid scar to begin with.

She continued. "Is our favorite boy hero ill? Sources at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry confided to the Quibbler that The Boy Who Lived may have come down with a nasty cold. Potter was seen out on the Quidditch Pitch with a tissue, wiping and blowing his nose last Thursday. Gryffindor's quidditch practice was cancelled as a result, as no one wanted to put any extra stress on their seeker that might prevent him from playing in the big game or worse; prevent him from saving the world, should the situation arise again soon."

The Gryffindors all looked around at each other, nodding and murmuring to each other, "Oh yeah, can't have that happen," and "What would we all do then?"

Colin Creevey, always desperate to get closer to Potter, rushed over to him. "Are you feeling all right, Harry? Do you want me to do your homework for you? I can run and get you some pepper-up potion if you want."

"No thanks, Colin. I'm sure I'm about to get a dozen owls any minute with presents of tissue and cold relief from my fans," said Potter. "Besides, I don't even have a cold, and you know, I never get too sick to save the world so don't worry."

Everyone sighed in relief as Granger continued reading. "Other sources say Potter isn't even sick at all. Draco Malfoy was in the stands watching the practice. He had this to say:

"Potter was up there looking for the snitch, which of course I had already seen from the stands, being a better seeker. Suddenly he looked all sad and started blubbering about how he can't find the snitch because he's such an awful wizard, not having grown up with wizarding parents. 'Why, oh why?!' I heard him say, 'Why did my mum have to die and leave me all alone in the world?' I felt sorry for him, really. I know what it's like to lose a parent," Malfoy said, referring to his father's unjust incarceration in Azkaban."

Potter interrupted her. "It's true. I wasn't even sick. I was just feeling a little down about having no mum and all. I wasn't blubbering though, the wind got in my eyes and they started tearing up a bit, so I had to land and get a tissue."

"Poor thing," said some Gryffindor or other. "We know it's hard, Harry. We love you, Harry. We'll be your family now."

"Thank you, whoever you are," said Potter, smiling.

"Wait, there's more," said Granger, "and a photograph of you, Ron!"

"Of me? Yay! Finally some recognition!"

Granger read, "An unknown, poorly dressed student was seen picking up the dropped tissue from the Boy Who Lived, presumably to sell it for enough money to buy new clothes."

"Really, Ron?" said Harry, putting a hand on his mate's shoulder. "You should've just asked me for some money. I'm pretty well off with the money my dead parents and dead Godfather left me." Potter paused and got a faraway look on his face before bursting into tears again.

The End

[Azkabella]

LadyLioness

Wicked Witch
Floo Ferret


Feline Frenzy

Professor McGonagall was marking third year exams at her desk while a pair of charmed erasers cleaned the symbols and definitions off of the blackboard behind her. Frowning at lack of effort Colin Creevey had put into the third exam of the term, she didn't notice an unwelcome visitor enter her room. It wasn't until a loud crashing sound erupted beside her that she noticed the intruder.

"Mrs. Norris!" she shrieked, reaching a pitch only Madam Pince had been known to reach.

The cat scurried towards the door, zig-zagging around desks and leaving a black trail behind her. McGonagall looked at the floor beside her desk and saw that several ink bottles had shattered, spilling ink on the formerly neat stack of graded sixth year assignments that were now spread across the floor. The ink had already soaked into the parchment, a simple cleaning charm wouldn't repare the damage.

McGonagall glared at the ink trail left by the cat's tail and found herself transforming into her animagus form. Her ears pointed and her body shrunk, her skin turned to fur and her eyesight sharpened. McGonagall the cat scampered through the door, following the ink trail left by Mrs. Norris. She found the cat snooping around the Muggle Studies classroom. Rearing back on her hindlegs, McGonagall the cat pounced, swatting Filch's cat with her paws. Mrs. Norris hissed and ran out of the room, McGonagall following closely behind her.

They tore down the corridor, distracting the seventh year Defence Against the Dark Arts students during their lesson with Professor Moody. McGonagall pounced and she and Mrs. Norris rolled to the end of the corridor, mewing loudly and swatting at each other.

"What's going on, 'ere?"

Feline McGonagall leapt off of Mrs. Norris as she heard the caretaker's voice. Filch knew her animagus form. She darted down the corridor and turned sharply at the corners. Once inside her classroom she immediately transformed back and shut the door. Her hair was a mess and a her glasses askew, but victory was still hers. That cat would limp for a week.


GRYFFINDOR

[ronsmyman]

Dementor'sLunch

Malevolent
Floo Ferret


The Only Wise Weasley

One morning I rose before the rest of my family and s I walked up the rickety, molding, rotting stairs, of my infinitesimal house, that is paid for by my bumbling muggle-loving fool of a father Arthur Weasley, I walked past the room that our entire family used to share, until father realized that we could add a few more stories, using wood scraps we found in trash bins. This room now belonged to Fred and George, seeing as it was the most stable room in the house, and with all of the explosions that those two miserable red-heads cause, they needed a stable foundation, or the house (perhaps I should say shack) would have been blown away long ago.

Curiosity seized me and I did a wonderfully malicious thing. I broke the blocking spells on the door. It wasn’t as difficult as I had imagined it would be. Those twins may be the best mischief makers in the business, but they are Hogwarts dropouts, so their spells do lack a certain ability to hold.

Applying a few well-placed spells, I had the door open within five minutes and stepped lightly within the room, not wanting to disturb anything until I knew what I was disturbing. I hadn’t been allowed in here since the family had moved out when I was eight. It had really changed. Shelves covered every inch of the walls, holding thousands of objects, though none appeared to be in working order.

Being raised by such insupportable parents as mine had left me pretty much to my own devices, and I had therefore developed an extreme curiosity. This being so, when I saw a bottle on the topmost shelf, just above the fluorescent green bunk beds, I climbed up to grasp it. It was the only thing on the shelf that appeared to be unbroken. I clutched it in my hand and climbed back down to the floor, accidentally crushing a Dumbledore chocolate frog card beyond recognition in the process.

Once back on the floor I was able to examine the bottle more closely. It was smaller than it had looked from the ground, and shaped like a withered hand, the cork rising out of the thumb. It held my fascination for quite some time. I just stood there in the midst of that forbidden room, turning the object over in my hands, looking for some clue as to what was contained within. My Weasley brain, being smaller than that of a normal functioning person, was unable to consider the option that the bottom of the bottle held the clue for a full half hour. When it finally occurred to me to look underneath, I was overjoyed to discover that a small piece of parchment was indeed spellotaped on the underside.

I quickly detached it and read with eager haste. The top of the parchment had a miniature Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes logo on it, so I surmised that it must be some new sort of trick they had been working on. I pocketed the bottle and parchment and left the room, careful to re-block the door with the same weak spells that those incompetent brothers of mine had used.

Once I had taken two steps and was safely within the vicinity of my own room. I sat in the dim light provided by the last candle that my family could afford. Straining my eyes I was able to see that the parchment read, “Malevolence in a Bottle: Strike fear into the hearts of your enemies, just a swallow of this and you’ll be laughing as evilly as your enemy’s worst fear for an hour.” Intrigued I pulled out the cork and sniffed the substance. A putrid decaying stench filled my entire room. It was in no way a bad smell; in fact it covered up that of the decaying clothing in the corner, since mum hadn’t been able to afford doing laundry for a year. It smelled to me like this could be their greatest invention yet. Sure, getting out of Defense Against the Dark Arts is great and all, but the perfect evil laugh, nothing in the world could top that.

Curiosity got the best of me; I put the mouth of the bottle to my lips and slowly tilted the bottle up, allowing the smooth liquid to flow into my mouth and down my esophagus. I didn’t want to just laugh for an hour, I wanted to strike fear into my family for days. I let the potion run until all I could feel were small droplets. I then put the bottle down, took a deep breath, and exhaled. Accompanying my breath, the loudest laugh I had ever heard came out of me. Since my room was not as stable as the twin’s, the loud noise caused the house to shake. It wouldn’t stop either, every time I exhaled (which was quite often as my heart was racing from fear) a rumbling evil laugh bubbled up out of me. I felt like the potion was boiling in my stomach. After three laughs, the boards from the ceiling above me began to fall.

Finally an intelligent thought hit me; I should get out of the house. But as always, intelligence was too late to do me any good. Just as I was stepping out the front door, I let out the loudest cackle yet, I heard something crack upstairs and before I knew it, I heard screams as the house came tumbling down, burying the sleeping members of my family within the rubble. I went to cry for help, even the muggles a few blocks down the lane would have been welcome, but my loud laugh stopped any attempts at words.

I ran up and down the lane laughing evilly and when the Magic Reversal Squad finally showed up three hours later I was still laughing. My inability to speak and the apparent joy at my family’s demise convinced them that I had done this on purpose. I was brought before a court that same evening, still laughing. They sentenced me almost immediately to a life term in Azkaban. That git Dumbledore just looked down his nose, and peered at me through his spectacles, not saying a word in my defense.

Now I am in Azkaban, all happiness has left me, and I am left with the overwhelming guilt that I have killed my family. My only comforter has been the kind Lucius Malfoy, who has convinced me that sooner or later they would have died anyway, and that without their meddling I am now free to do as I wish. He is training me in the ways of the Death Eaters and when the Dark Lord retakes Azkaban, I shall be at his side.


Soon, yes, soon, I shall be free!

[ronsmyman]

Rok

Monster
Floo Ferret


BIG NOT MEEN GIANT

*Haggy Help

Quibbler September 17, 1995

Harry Reed Payper at morning food. See wurds. Wurds say. Big not Meen giant “Big giant in trees, in Hogwarts forest, eet food, deers gone, sentawrs mad, throw roks at big giant, giant cries, and chase sentawrs. Sentawrs run and say big giant meen. Big giant not meen, big giant loney, no haggy in sun, Haggy ony in moon.”

“Big nice giant like birdys for food, sentawrs like birdys for moosik. They mad wen giant eet birdys for food. Haggy mad too. Big giant, eet haggy’s friend. Haggy crys, Big Giant sad wen Haggy sad. Big Giant give Haggy hug, Haggy hurt arm frum hug.”

Harry put payper on tayble. “Ron, Hermy,” Harry say, “see payper”

Ron Hermy look. They sad.

“We go in forist,” Ron say “We not see Big Giant who eet bird.”

“Poor Haggy, friend eeted,” Hermy say.

“Let we find giant,” Harry say.

“I not no,” Hermy say, she wurry fer skool and graide gradiez graydz. Hermy not like trubble.

“It be fine Hermy,” Ron say. “We bin befour, we not get in trubble with Dumbly.”

Hermy still wurri and shake hed. Soon Harry Ron try make Hermy go. Meen boy with wite hare cum and be meen to Harry Ron Hermy. He say, “Potter dum, no Mahmee mommy (knew how ter spell that’un), no daddy, no bruvver sister. I hav famly, you dum. Reed dumb payper and beeleev things in payper cause dum.” He tell Hermy Harry Ron “go to forest and fake giant will eet you. We all be happy wen Harry eeted.”

Harry Ron mad, Hermy sad. Meen boy with wite hare get hit from Harry. Meen boy with wite hare cries for long time. Hermy laugh, not sad now.

“We go in forest,” she say. “We not scare like you meen boy with wite hair. We fight lots bad things beefour, you scare and run from bad things. You cow herd, couard scare of meen things cuz you bad, we good.”

Hermy walk out food room, Harry Ron cum too, Harry say, “Hermy, you good at make meen boy go away. He cry now. Go to meen teecher, not Haggy, haggy nice teecher, meen boy go to meen teecher with uggy blak hare.”

They go to find giant in forest, and not find him, cuz giant is eeting in hut with Haggy. They go to Haggy hut and eet tee with giant and haggy. Giant not eet nice Harry Hermy Ron, they Haggy frends, big giant like haggy frends.

Layter Harry say “It good we reed payper. We hav new frend. Big giant nice, not meen, he and haggy are nice big peeple, we hav tea with them lots now.”

THE END


*This story in no way reflects true events. There’s not a giant hidin’ out ‘n the ferbidden forest.

**Fer a giant who barely learned t’speak, I think this entry is very good, though there are prob’ly a few mistakes. I never was much good at spellin’ and stuff.
-“Haggy"



I Luv MY Bruvver!!!

[agrippa]

SlytherinRulz!!!!

Serpent Dude
Floo Ferret


Scar-Head 0, Crabbe 1000000000

The scar-head freak looked at the Quibbler. He nearly wet himself, he was so scared. The headline was “Azkaban Doors Open: Death Eaters Escape.”

“Oh my goodness,” cried Scar-Head, tears of fear running down his cheeks from under his stupid glasses. “What I am going to do? Those tough Death Eaters will be after me for sure.”

“Now, my little tumple-wumpkins,” said the curly-haired buck-toothed book-loving mud-blood girl next to him. “Don’t cry. You’ve always escaped from them before.”

“Yeah,” said Scar-Head. “But I always got lucky or my beloved Dumbledore showed up to save me. Isn’t Dumbledore super-duper?”

“Well, yes,” agreed Buck-Tooth. “Maybe we should go talk to him right now, my darling.”

“Can I at least finish breakfast?” asked the shabby-looking red-head sitting with them. They waited as his stuffed the last five sausages in his mouth and then wrapped some leftovers in a napkin to send to his poor parents later, since they don’t have enough money to eat much.

As they got up to leave, the handsome Draco Malfoy, splendidly dressed in his school robes, prefect’s badge glinting in the morning light, walked up to them. Scar-Head’s knees began to shake, because he saw that Draco was accompanied by his two wicked tough pals.

“Hey, Potter,” said Draco. “I bet the Quibbler’s got you frightened, eh?”

“N-n-n-no, not at a-a-a-all,” stammered Scar-Head.

“Going to find Dumbledore, are you?” said Draco, flashing his brilliantly white teeth.

“Maybe.”

“Well,” said Draco. “You’re wasting your time. He’s in London.”

Scar-Head started to cry again. The three friends ran off to hide in Gryffindor tower with the other losers and mud-blood lovers.

As Draco and his two friends got ready to leave, a beautiful seventh-year Slytherin girl named Glenda Greenrook approached the trio. She said “hello” to Draco, but then walked over to Vincent Crabbe.

“Oh, Vince,” she said, squeezing his well-muscled arm. “Your so muscular and strong. Would you like to take a walk with me around the lake?”

“Well, sure,” replied the ever-smooth Vincent Crabbe. He and the hot chick walked out of the Great Hall as Draco turned green with jealousy.



Slytherin rokz, and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise.

[AnimeEyeshime]

I_still_remember

Quidditch Deity
Floo Ferret

Smile! You’re on Candid Camera!

Colin Creevy was often widely acknowledged as one of the most talkative, curious, and altogether annoying people in the entire school. There were few people had not fallen prey to the sudden brilliant illumination and loud click of his old-fashioned Muggle camera.

He’d even gotten into the habit of taking it to DA meetings, getting “action shots” of the various members. He was under the pain of death, serious torture, or being the Weasley twins’ new tester if he were to let those photos fall into the hands of those not a part of Dumbledore’s Army, and he took this responsibility seriously. After seeing how enthusiastic he was about it, Harry had been forced to let the photography continue, even though it got on everyone’s nerves.

But tonight, Colin’s camera was going to redeem itself. He had gotten wind from his younger brother of the perfect place to find the photo that would make his friends—mainly the members of DA—appreciate his photographic bent. Now, all he had to do was get there.

It was 8:30 at night when he left the Gryffindor common room, and this was risky enough as everyone was supposed to be in their various common rooms by nine o’clock. He was willing to risk breaking curfew, though, for this chance. There was nothing in Hogwarts and not even on Earth that could cause him to miss this opportunity.

“Colin, where are you going?’ Ginny Weasley asked as he walked past her and her friend Luna Lovegood in a hurry.

“There’s a photo op just waiting for me,” he said excitedly. Ginny nodded politely and smiled.

“Well, then, that’s nice…come on, Luna…”

Luna surveyed Colin and his camera. “I should like to see this with my own eyes.”

Colin frowned, a little uneasy at this request, but upon seeing Ginny’s renewed interest, he shrugged. “I guess you guys could come along…but we’ve got to make sure no one sees us, okay?”

Ginny and Luna fell into step behind Colin, and it was Ginny who finally said, “Who’s involved in this, anyway?”

“It’s a secret,” Colin said mysteriously. “It’s for DA…sort of.”

“By the way, how did those pictures turn out with our Stunning session?” Luna asked in her dreamy, unconcerned tone of voice.

“They’re okay. It’s a challenge, sometimes…” Colin said, trailing off. “There’re wizard cameras that make wizard photography easier, but I do all right on my own.”

“I guess now the House knows what to get you for your birthday,” Ginny said, smiling.

“That would definitely be appreciated…”

They stopped talking as they reached the entrance hall, and Colin dashed for a doorway partially hidden by a tapestry. “It should be around here…hmm…” His hand traced the archway of the doorway, until he found the aberrant stone and pushed it in. The door slid open, and Ginny whistled, impressed.

“Nice…where does it go?”

“Down to the lake,” Colin answered, lighting his wand before venturing into the tunnel-like corridor. Luna and Ginny did likewise.

They had been walking for a long time, silent in the darkness, until Colin whispered, “It should be just up ahead…”

The corridor leveled out, and the floor had become increasingly damp and sticky. “This reminds me of the first year trip,” Ginny said quietly.

“It’s probably part of the same passages,” Luna replied. “There can’t be that many different ways down to the lake.”

Colin gestured for them to be quiet, and they did so, belatedly. He snuck into the cavern exaggeratedly, on tiptoe, and Ginny and Luna exchanged a bemused look before following suite. He stopped on the edge of the lake, on the boundary between the slick rock face and one of two piers. “Now…where is he?”

“He?” the girls asked in unison, and he shushed them quickly. “He?” Luna repeated, in a barely heard voice.

Colin readied his camera, not trusting himself to answer Luna quietly enough. The element of surprise was key to catching one’s suspect unaware.

He knew it was time when Ginny gasped from behind him, and he spun around and caught his subject on camera. Already he knew it would be a perfect picture. He pushed Luna and Ginny back towards the way they had come, and they were able to run before the subject had recovered from his shock. And hopefully, Colin thought, he wouldn’t be able to identify his “attackers”…

“That was possibly the scariest thing I have ever seen,” Ginny said, between breaths as they ran back to the main school.

“That was brilliant,” Luna agreed. “I’m sure Daddy could even use it in the magazine.”

Ginny grinned. “That would be too perfect. Colin, how’d you know?”

“A good photojournalist never reveals his sources,” Colin said solemnly.

“They say that a picture is worth a thousand words…” Luna mused.

“I’d pay more than a thousand words for that!” Ginny said, delighted. “Snape in his swimming trunks! With a rubber ducky!”

“They were polka dotted,” Colin said cheerfully. “And they’ll be making an appearance at the next DA meeting.”

"I believe in butterflies and quiet songs, in early sunrises and the stars at night..." -Bobbi Hervin

[McGonagall's Cat]

Wisteria&Cabbage

Squib
Floo Ferret



The Daughter I Never Had


It was the middle of the day when the little sister of Harry Potter’s best friend first pushed on the door to her other brothers’ room. The dear little redhead was too curious for her own good. Pointing her toy wand she murmured, “Alohamora.” This, of course, did nothing to break the exceptional charms the boys had placed on the door, but the wand did emit a few pretty sparks. Not to be stopped by such a minor detail, the darling girl went outside to sit on the rope swing and contemplate the possibilities. It was a gorgeous day, not at all dreary like days frequently are in Surrey.

As she sat slightly swaying in the warm sunshine inspiration struck. Quickly she dashed to the broom shed. Borrowing Charlie’s old Clean Sweep, she pushed at the ground as though leaping over a ditch, and rose into the air. Aware that her wonderful mother might not approve of such a dangerous stunt, Ginny flew close to the house, directly to the window of Fred’s and George’s room.


Uttering a hover charm she’d overheard her bigger brothers use, she deftly stepped onto the windowsill and lifted the window, completely unconcerned about the dangerous heights and horrible fall she could easily take. Once inside the cluttered room, the sweet girl began to explore.

A funny whirring sound drew her attention to a cabinet with a large padlock on a hasp across its doors. The padlock had no keyhole, showing it to be a wizard’s lock that Muggles and Squibs can’t work. Ginny, however, was neither. The bright little witch looked about the room, settling on a wooden box full of odd stones and metal pieces that was sitting near Fred’s trunk. She carried the box to the cabinet and tried each piece in turn until a brass six-pointed star felt warm as it touched the lock. A sweet smile crossed her lips, though she looked over her shoulder to make certain the coast was clear.

Placing the star on the lock’s face, she gently pushed and turned. The lock clicked open easily for such a bright and talented girl! Inside the cabinet a small device sat humming and spitting out yellow candies from a crooked spout. On the shelves below were heaps and piles, bowls and bins, wooden, glass, and metal containers of items resembling Muggles’ salt-water taffy and Christmas crackers. She selected a waxpaper wrapped lump and a larger silver-paper covered tube, then re-sealed the cabinet, replaced the star in the box, and put the box back where she had found it, like a good girl.

Her toy wand was capable of more actual magic than one would suppose. Drawing it from a pocket, she cleverly used it to leave the boys a note. Large letters, in a delightful childish hand, floated over the Twins’ beds.

Leave my dollies alone or I’ll tell Mom what you have in the cabinet.

She quietly rode the broom to the shed, putting it back into its holder just as her over-worked mother called her to lunch. Ginny rushed inside and washed her hands as all good children are trained to do, then sat down to eat with her Mum.

“What have you been doing all morning?” Mrs. Weasley asked pleasantly between bites of the simple yet nutritious meal she’d prepared.

“Nothing. Just playing on the swing and stuff,” the beautiful child replied. “When do Dad and the boys get back from town?”

Her mother smiled. Glancing at the huge clock on the other side of the room, she said, “They’ll be home soon. It must be lonely to not have anyone to play with. Would you like to help me make a cake for tonight’s desert?”



I cats

[Azkabella]

sadnlonely1

Dead
Floo Ferret


THE HAPPIEST DAY OF EVERYONE'S LIVES

Harry potter ran into the girls’ bathroom on the first floor with the new Quibbler in his hands.

“Myrtle! Myrtle! You’ll never believe it!”

“What is it?” asked Myrtle sweetly, gliding gracefully from one of her stalls.

“There’s a cure. They’ve discovered a cure!”

“A cure to what?”

“Death!”

Myrtle couldn’t believe it. Tears welled in her eyes, but she did not cry. “What do you mean?”

Harry adjusted his glasses on his slender nose as he used his manly hands to flip through the colorful pages of the magazine.

“Here,” said Harry, pointing to a paragraph on page fifteen. “Former Hogwarts students Fred and George Weasley discovered a potion that, when sprayed on ghosts, will make them solid and living. The joke shop owners discovered this life-altering potion when trying to brew a potion to enhance the stench of dungbombs. Just imagine, Myrtle, you’ll be alive again!”

“I can’t believe it! I never imagined this, never!”

“Now we can finally be together!”

“Really?”

“Of course. You’re being dead and see-through was the only thing that kept me from asking you to the Yule Ball two years ago. You’re the only girl for me.”

Harry grinned and Myrtle smiled happily. Behind him the doors to the bathroom opened and in marched a large group of students, led by Harry’s nasty friend with the red hair and that girl who’d turned herself into a cat. She carried in her hands a potion flask with a spray nozzle on top of it. Everyone was smiling and cheering, saying things like “Good on you, Myrtle!”, “Can’t wait to have you back, Myrtle!”

“Are you ready?” asked the Harry’s friend with the frizzy hair, pointing the nozzle and the glowing ghost. “One… two… three!”

The mist didn’t go through Myrtle as it sprayed, but instead it hit her. She was solid! She had color!

“Oh, Myrtle!” cried Harry with tears in his eyes, wrapping his arms around her. All of the students in Hogwarts, who had secretly loved the quiet ghost the entire time, crowded into the girls’ bathroom and hugged the now living Myrtle.

“We all want to say we’re sorry,” said Olive Hornby, who was now a bitter, ugly older woman. “We never should’ve teased you.”

“Yes,” agreed a fifth year Hufflepuff. “You’re glasses are really quite fetching.”

“And we’ve all had our share of acne,” chimed in Eloise Midgeon.

“And we’re not all pixies,” confessed Millicent Bulstrode.

“The truth is, Myrtle, that we’ve always been jealous of you. You and your awesome death. We know that when we snuff it that it won’t be nearly as exciting as being killed by a big snake in the bathroom!”

Everyone cheered in agreement. “I don’t care about death anymore!” Myrtle announced loudly. “I’m alive, and I’m happy!”

Myrtle wept tears of joy as the delighted crowd carried her out of the bathroom, down the marble staircase, through the oak double doors and off into the sunset. Life after the afterlife was going to be grand.


WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!